Happy Turkey Day!!

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!! My you all have time to spend with your loved ones....and eat LOTS AND LOTS of food!! I know I'm going to enjoy all the food I can....because Monday officially starts the training for half marathon number 4. No more being lazy in the mornings!! I'm excited Jacob and I decided to participate again this year. It will give us something to work for and look forward to. We always love it and are so glad we did it once we're finished....the events leading up to it, not so much! But once we're done, we're always glad we did it. They're not sold out yet so if anyone wants to join us...the website is http://www.500festival.com/ . It really is a great time and so uplifting to see 35,000 people join together and participate in this great event! It's also amazing with all the people cheering you on along the way. It's quite an amazing experience! Okay...anyway, have a wonderful time with your families and drive safely!

Update

I realize it's been a while since I've posted anything so I just wanted to let everyone in on what's going on. I just needed some time to get over the disappointment and get away from things. First and foremost, I just have to say how blessed I am. It's rough times like these when you really lean on people and faith to give you strength....and I have pillars!! Thank you for the emails, texts, flowers (they were beautiful, Erin!), and things to help me smile through the rain (You're the sweetest thing, Kas!). This was a very disappointing time in our lives and you all made us feel a little better. It may sound weird to someone who's never had infertility issues, but every month, we're mourning the loss of a child. It's just devastating. Right now, we've taken a break from the doctor. Mostly because we can't afford to do another treatment right now. I did have some FSH injections left and they only last for 3 months. So, rather than waste $500 worth of drugs, we didn't see the harm in taking the last 300IU (I'd been taking 500IU). I still have some ovulation predictor tests left (I should have purchased stock in First Response with the amount of money I've spent on those predictor kits!) so we're gonna give it the college try again! Sorry...I know that's way too much information. We're just trying to listen to God and see what He wants us to do next. We've been talking about adoption, but there's another extremely expensive process. And I don't know if I'm ready to give up on the idea of having our own child. I know there are thousands of children that are in desperate need of loving homes, but the amount of money we would spend on adoption we could have done the most expensive infertility treatment......3 times!!! I'm just going to have to practice more patience and keep my thoughts quite so I can hear what God wants us to do. The hardest part is not having any control over the situation. You think that you have control over your life and what happens to you (you know the quote: 'You are in control of your own destiny'), but I've learned over the past 4 years that your plan quickly becomes someone Else's! You can want something so bad your heart aches, but that's not going to make it happen. So, thank you for all the prayers and positive thoughts, please keep thinking of us as we continue this journey. Love you all!!

News

I have disappointing news to share with you all. Jacob and I were unsuccessful in fulfilling our dreams of starting our family with this round of treatment. Today has been a really hard day to get through and I have been trying to keep myself busy so I wouldn't have to sit down and think about all our hopes and dreams crashing down. But with typing this blog, it's bringing everything I was trying to hide today to the surface. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers this past month. I really do have the best friends and family I could ask for. I just want to let you know that if I don't return phone calls or emails, it's not that I don't care or appreciate it....I'm just going to have to find my internal strength within the next couple days to bring myself to normal functioning. I was trying SO hard not to get my hopes up, but it was hard not to. This is the closest we've gotten in the past 4 years and I was getting a little too excited about the 26% success rate. I don't know if Jacob and I will be able to do another round of treatment. This was a pretty financially taxing experience and we only had enough to do one month. Maybe sometime in the future we'll be able to try it again. I was really hoping to turn this into a pregnancy blog, but looks like the timing just wasn't right for us. I know I just have to keep faith that all of this is happening for a reason and to keep a positive attitude about things....some days are easier to do that than others...and today is a hard day.